Running??? Can I do that?

Why is it that when someone flat out tells us we CAN'T do something, we immediately feel the need to prove them wrong? When all along it was something we know we should be doing if we want to obtain a goal, but instead of doing that we make excuses for ourselves, get comfortable, think that things could be WAY WORSE and become complacent?? I know its human nature, but I want an answer why!!!

I read a Blog that I found through a pinterest link, a mom, close to my age, making shit happen!! not perfect, and doesn't claim to be, but has found a niche and its working, www.mamalaughlin.com/ .So after reading her HILARIOUS blog, I say to myself, "Self, you are so close, you could do that, put on those fancy running shoes collecting dust and just GO!!!" to which my other self says" Bitch its 110 degrees outside, why the hell would you do that  today,especially when  there is a lovely chilled bottle of Sonoma Cutrer in the fridge?? Now get a grip on yourself, and go pour a BIG glass and try to come to your senses!!!" 


And I did, and that was almost a week ago. So this week I saw the weather was going to break and that would be my perfect opportunity to start, and I thought it would be a GREAT idea to get the boys in on this with me since they are such awesome runners!!! Well that is where my inspiration for this post comes in!!! #2 Beast child says" But Mom...you cant run, you have no definition in your calves" SERIOUSLY kid?? Do you have a death wish? Whats that old saying? "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!!!" I was pissed, had it not been 108 outside, I would have run right out the door at that moment, or had I really been a runner, i wouldn't care what the temperature is, i would "just do it"!!! BUT I AM NOT A RUNNER.....Yet!!
 

Well today is my day, I really don't have an issue in the food dept, I have that down, lots of fresh food, lean protein, close to NO carbs....yadayadayada, but I dont like to exercise, Really...I never have, maybe I was just not cut out for it, then I realized that excuses werent gonna get me anywhere, and If  I wanted to feel as good about myself as I used to 15 pounds thinner, I needed to step up my game,   (WHO AM I JOKING?? I HAVE NO GAME) Ahem, I needed to get some game!!

So today, after I finish work and grocery shop, and start dinner, I vow to move the best I can for 45 minutes, whether that means walk, jog, run...I cant imagine I can run, but I will imagine being chased and that should do the trick!!!And  I hope you all can encourage me , hold me accountable, and ask the really hard questions like "Hey Sarah, are those running shoes on your feet or a glass of wine in your hand?"




I dont think I am brave enough to post pictures... Just not that sure I would want to scar my friends like that, but i will take pictures , and I will post pounds and inches lost, I did lose 15 pounds and have kept that off since I initially posted in April, but these last 15 are stubborn and No fun at all!!! So thats all I got today in Crazy town, but I will be back!!! 

I'm not your friend , I am your MOTHER!!!!

    So I am kinda in the shitter with my Sons over a comment I made some time ago... I simply said as a response to "I DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE!!!!!!"... "Thats perfectly fine darling. I love you, I always will, thats what parents do,and I am not your friend I am your mother, and you don't have to like me"

   Well they cried, I mean tears, "YOU DON'T LIKE ME???? how could you say that? I am your child, you gave birth to me, and you don't like me?" I tried to explain myself and that only seemed to make things worse. Now, we are a few months down the road and I am reminded constantly of my comment. Should I happen to ask... "Whats wrong Buddy?" I now get....."YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND, WHAT DO YOU CARE?"

   As you can imagine this saddens me, I am the primary caregiver to these Not so Tiny Humans , and its hard to be the parent I want to be and not be seen as the enemy sometimes, We have fun, I am involved, but as kids see things....I am the "all rules, no fun parent". I changed my parenting style about 3 months ago, and while I am seeing improvement in behavior, the calmness of my home, I guess thats just not that much fun to boys....

     So this weekend I am gonna mix things up, Im not gonna go all E.E. on them or anything, I mean who lets  a nine year old jump off an abandon building into the James River?? Not this mom....and apparently Kings Dominion is fun and Roller Coasters are great , but we do that "too much", So I am thinking about camping...Fun huh?? Mountains, cooking over a fire, smores and scary stories....Maybe we will see a bear, or a snake... They wont have to shower... they will love that, Hell they dont even have to change their underwear if they so chose. Is that fun? We could even go as far as to make it a "Survivor" weekend. Now for those of you who know me well, you know I dont do camping...I dont do hotels that are less than 4 stars... So this is a real stretch for me, and i know my darlings will see my sacrifice and understand then the difference between loving a child and being a friend.....ROTFLMAO!!!!! No they wont!!!! and in all actually I think I will send them camping ALONE and see who survives, now that would be fun, eh? A pack of matches, a sleeping bag each, a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a fishing pole, maybe a compass and a map!!! Do you think then they will come to appreciate and respect their hard working mother? How about the mundane task of keeping clean laundry, hot meals, rides to and from bus stops, afterschool functions, friends houses???How about the countless all nighters because someone had a bad dream or a stomach ache? I could go on forever about these things that I do, these things I do without thinking, they are like breathing to me, I do them because I am a Mom, I do them because I love my children, I do them because if I didnt no one would. Is it too much to ask for them to be grateful? Is it too much to ask of them to understand?

    I will let you know if I actually do this camping idea, I will probably wimp out, THEY would probably wimp out, I can hear them now..."its so hot, the bugs suck, I wanna play X-Box, Dad would have let us jump off that 500 foot water fall into unknown waters....YOU ARE NO FUN!!! You know what? Maybe I should start with a non room serviced hotel... Would that seem fun???
 

5,4,3,2,1.....Here we Go With MONDAY!!!

What an AMAZING Weekend, Friday started with a Good Ol' cookout, and some Crazy Kiddos!!! Saturday was a DREARY day, and I was sick, but the boys were wonderful and let me rest, then we went to see the AVENGERS, Me, The Ex and all four Boys, What an accomplishment, Yay for Co-Parenting!!!

Sunday we all got up and ready, met up with.....(hmmm, not sure what to call him, well call him" M.A.H." My absent husband) So, met up with MAH and headed to Kings Dominion, What an AWESOME day !!! The kids were each tall enough to ride EVERY RIDE!!!!! Finally, a sigh of relief, its sorta like when you have stair step kids and the last one finally is out of diapers.... Its an indescribable freedom, BUT that freedom was always my excuse for not riding the coasters, and it has been a damn good rouse for the past 19 years. Well guess what , not anymore, and I thought after riding the DOMINATOR I had proved my Bravery and could go about my
day riding things like the swings,  and  other "easy rides, maybe the bumper cars...But NO !! #3 and #2 quickly took off to do the "big " rides, and #4 wanted to ride the Scooby Doo. ( totally my speed)
Look at how Happy those people are!! Well that wasnt enough for #4, as soon as we got off that he says...."Hey Mom, I think I might like that Anaconda Coaster, can we try together?" Well who says no to a kid facing his fear, Not this Mom!!! So we moved on to bigger and way more Painful rides, but he did it, and he loved it!! I could go on and on, but there is so much about this morning to share still, that I will post one last picture from yesterday, this was the last ride of the day, #4 decided he would ride the Dominator, #3 rode in the front and M.A.H and I took #4 a few rows back( this was much better the second time by the way) and #4 LOVED it!!!! So #3 and he ran back through the line to ride ALONE in The FRONT CAR..... and yes I bought the souvenir photo, because I was just that Happy about our Fantastic Family day, and that we all SQUASHED those Coaster Fears!!!!

Fast Forward to this morning, alarm, snooze, alarm, snooze ,alarm...PANIC, WAKE UP!!!! Got #3 to his shuttle, almost killed my sleepy self when I  pulled out in front of a car(totally my fault), got some caffiene in me and #4 to school, then #2 had a Dr. appt for his allergies. We get into the exam room and the nurse asks"do you need a step stool to get up there Honey?" Ummmm, #2 is 5'3 and 14 and it was all we could do to keep from falling out laughing at her, but we stayed composed until she left the room. We made it through the appt. and are now about to start yet another regimen of meds, and an old man(who was speaking to himself when we got there) says to me as we are exiting "whats wrong with you're skinny little girl?" Let me say if it hadn't been for  the abundance of compliments he received about his Hair this morning at Panera, we may of had a real incident on our hands, but once again, we laughed hysterically, I made it up to him with a Mocha Frappacino on the way to school and all was well!!!

Fast forward to work ....I am not here 5 minutes, and a patient is calling about her schizophrenic girlfriend, they are both Schizo, and met at the local Psychiatric Hospital when they were there for inpatient treatment, (I am being COMPLETELY SERIOUS!!) the phone call went a little something like this.....

Betty-"Miss Sarah, this is Betty, YoYo stabbed me over the weekend 7 times, I got stitches in my head, my eye, my neck, but listen I need you to TDO her"

TDO =temporary detaining order

Me-"Wait a minute, you were stabbed? , you need to call the police"

Betty-" I did, they arrested her but one of the kids bonded her out, and right now she on the corner by my house with her pants at her ankles screaming, "kiss my BIG BEAUTIFUL BLACK ASS" as people go by, the woman ain't right"

This went on and on, but I am happy to report YoYo(*that is her name!!!) has been taken back into custody and is awaiting crisis transport to our local psychiatric facility....


Happy Freakin' Crazy Monday!!!! and its only noon. So I will patiently wait for what  for  more that could bring me excitement and joy? I can hardly wait !!!

Oh and we all made a deal this morning, that if they clean their rooms and help me with the laundry this afternoon, i will give back the Xbox for a weeks  trial, BUT, they have to sing EVERYTHING THEY SAY!!!!

***** This was a bit odd while at the doctors office, but its Fun, and thats what its all about....Eh?

My son is a MAN !!!

As most of you know I have 4 sons, the oldest of which is , ahem.... 21 (and, yes I did have him when I was 10 LOL) Any who, he is going to stay with me for a week or so until things level out for him with his  living situation , he arrived last night , and in the 2 months since I last saw him last,  has taken up some serious weight lifting and working out. Now I knew this as we have been in touch over the past few months, but I guess I underestimated his determination. Let me put it this way, He came in the house and scared me, I mean I didn't recognize is silhouette as he came into my sight, and considering , there had been a knock at the door, and I said come in.... There was  a split second that I was wondering who the strange man was in my house.

We had a great evening, catching up, and eventually I had to get to bed and it was time for him and his buddies to hit the gym, So at 10:00, he packed a gym bag, made a protein drink,Got the scoop on how crazy and loud the house would be at 6:30 as the 3 younger beasts and I prepare for our day, took a key and headed out.

I guess I am writing this for myself, to remember this funny yet endearing evening with my son, who I had to kick out of my house back in February shortly after he had turned 21.To push him into growing up. As hard as that was for both of us, I see him now as a young man, working 2 jobs,he has  paid off court and legal fees in order to FINALLY obtain a drivers license ( which he was so proud to show off), has formed friendships, and has begun mending relationships in his life.

Raising sons is the hardest and the most rewarding endeavor all at the same time!! So now to look at this young man, that  I have been positive I had ruined, and see him growing, brings back faith and confidence in myself as Mom. I Thank God for the Grace he has given me with my children. The Grace that I lose sight of so often. I Know in my heart He has this, and He will continue to guide me through this journey of Motherhood the best that I can, and he has the rest....

***** I will have to snap a picture of him, you all wont believe its even him!!! LOL

Starbucks and Men....

You know how they say the way to a mans heart <3 is through his stomach, well the way to My heart is a nice big cup of coffee, preferably delivered to me, on a whim, in a Starbucks cup!! That makes my heart smile, and then do jumping jacks and back flips, but still, I LOVE COFFEE. Now I am not a coffee snob or anything, I mean I do love Starbucks, but its the coffee, not a frufru flffy drink, just a BIG BOLD coffee.....YUMM-O!!!

So, when my first ex husband, I guess my only ex husband, and I started having coffee this year to create a "better environment" for our children, Our meeting place was Starbucks. Nice, Neutral Starbucks,Oh, and they have Caffeine...BONUS!!! As time has progressed our schedules have not meshed that well, so he has been offering to drop Coffee off to me!!! Awesome you say? The first time I have to admit I didn't even drink it, I poured the whole thing in the toilet... I was scared, did he spit in it, or worse?? Well in the last few weeks of my "transformation" I have really been learning to Trust...(not that he is trustworthy or anything) but if hes gonna spend 3 bucks on a coffee and go out of his way to get it to me, maybe just maybe hes being nice...Who knows ??

Now On Thursdays I used to get Coffee delivered to me from my Good friend Bob.(well we'll call him Bob)Bob watches, I mean watched , my kids on Thursdays (he has a girlfriend now) and now hes a bit too busy..... Anywho, Thursdays used to be my Most Favorite days, You see Tiny Beast #4 would come on into my office, and deliver me a Big Ol' Coffee, and even though it was bought by a Bob, having one of the beasts deliver it , always made my Thursdays better, and Thursdays are hard days at work, FULL ON CRAZY!!!!

Then there are the Drug Dealers, I mean Drug Reps......They love to bring me coffee, Because I am their "Golden Ticket" if I don't get them through to the Doctor, they don't get to promote their drugs, if they don't promote their drugs their numbers don't go up, if their ....You get the picture. So on any given Thursday or Friday, when these so called reps are coming by, at any given time there are 2-5 Starbucks cups on my desk.
Which is bringing me around to a point here..... When speaking someones love language I find it very easy, There are things that speak to a person, whether silly, intimate, personal, what have you. For me, I love coffee,and my friends Know that !!!Coffee picks me up when I am down,  even acquaintances know this, that's why I can talk about coffee forever, Thats why the people mentioned above do what they do, they know it speaks to me, and in turn gets them what they want....

But when it comes to Love, real love, with someone you truly love and they Cannot speak the language to you , is there love there? If you know a phone call will leave your loved one counting the minutes until they see you, wouldn't you call them? I don't know how love looks to you but to me it is the core of who we are, we were put here to love, If you cant articulate the feelings you can always show the feelings, in a million little things. Remember Llyod Dobler, Remember the scene with the boom box?? In your eyes??? Even Lloyd got it, he spoke the best he could, but when it comes down to it, a lady needs to be shown..... Is that too much to ask?

****** If I die from this coffee, you know who did it!!!!

Seek Knock Ask....

I

Are you ever at a Crossroads and Honestly don't know how to read the sign? I think I am there, I get my Red shoes on and start running down this road, not fearful of the changes and decisions I am making, and determined by what I am doing, and where I am being lead, only to be confused by the freaking signs?? Well....How do you know what to do? I read something that said you shouldn't make ANY life altering decisions unless you have given the process at least 3 months. 3 months of thought, prayer, therapy, you pick , but 3 months to process. Well, I thought my processing was done. I have begun the rebuilding of Sarah, and The boys.... So now what? This is where Faith steps in and challenges me, this is where the confusion sets in, If i follow the Word on Marriage, and I am the only one, what does that look like? For me/ for my sons? I don't believe I can put faith in a man who doesn't have faith in himself. Is that wrong? If you build someone up for all the days and years you are together, but he still resides so far in his past that he wont or cant receive it, where does that put us?

I want so much to believe in people and their ability to do right, and yet I am so sick and tired of people staying in what holds them down, because its easier to be unhappy and falsely feed your ego, than deal with, confront and be the person God has intended you to be. So now after starting down the "Road to Recovery" Is there a reason to look back, and how bright must that "sign" be to make me stray from the path I am on? Here is Matthew 7:7
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Well I did just that, and that is what has lead me to where I am right now, so Do I stop, take a stand, and do it again? What if I am on the road I need to be, then what? Will I continue to be lead this way, I mean I guess I would.... Well my rambling is hitting an all time high, so I will end this, but when is enough enough?? and how do you trust yourself with decisions to be made when the past decisions we have made have not always been that great??

Craving Closeness.....

At what point are we OK enough that we can just be alone? And If God intended for me to be alone.... Well he didn't , so I wont even go there, (We all know know that God saw Adam Lonely and Created Eve for him to have a companion, so he was not LONELY....) And if that is not your belief, find in your beliefs equally substantiated evidence.

I guess what I am wondering  is? Am I lonely or am I Craving a Closeness? I have had the good and the bad, and all the in between in relationships, I have lost myself  so much I didn't recognize myself in the end.I don't ever want to be that Woman again.  So, How can I have it all? How can I be strong my own convictions, and stand for what is right and solid in MY life, AND compromise (which by the way means "jointly promise" I found that interesting, I always thought it to mean "to settle") to what it now takes to be in a relationship?

 I am aware that I am wild and Crazy, I know I have baggage out the wazoo, but that's me, I don't want that to change, (well maybe the baggage,I am working on that) but as I write and read I sound like a selfish little bitch. So what does it take? I mean is there really a man for every woman and woman for every man, who loves unconditionally , accepts without judging , blah blah blah???

Here I am, conflicted, wearing out my knees praying, and I guess waiting and "sitting in it " is where I am suppose to be. Is that faith? is that Complacency? Laziness? Ever feel like you are screaming at the top of your lungs and nothing is coming out? I'm there, and tired of it.  What do I do? Can I draw a line in the sand, and never look back, I joke about what some people will do, or change for another person, and I know in my life there are things I would ask people to change for me. (not their name , or hair color, or drop 100 pounds, did I really say that??) But I would ask people to change their ways, no one is gonna be equip to deal with my life and if he is a man who has enough kids to understand, why did he leave them??? I have become so Jaded, and hardened because of stupid shit circumstances in my life, I am terrified of doing it again....So here lets start with "remarriage" this is what is said.....

 Position 4: Divorce - Remarriage 
Divorce, though not God's desire, is also not the unforgivable sin. Regardless of the circumstances, all divorced persons who have repented, should be forgiven and allowed to remarry.

 but with that said....Read on....

Position 1: No Divorce 

Marriage is a covenant agreement, meant for life, therefore it must not be broken under any circumstance; remarriage further violates the covenant and therefore is not permissible.

So now where am I? Granted the ability to move on after being divorced the first time, to now be in a situation that has dysfunction, but love! Where the first marriage had EVERYTHING under the sun and NO LOVE and could make a Trashy Beach novel seem boring!!! What do I do? As a believer, I feel convicted to try, and as a Woman who has been through enough shit, and doesn't want to go through anymore, I am ready to walk..... There is that screaming again...Did you hear it??

Sarah and the Beasts VS. Commercialism and Conformity

Well It was a little over a week ago I was Crying in my Cheerios over wanting change in my family, and the made the decision to CHANGE it up, and I have ,and its working, and I didnt go all Psycho on them, I didnt remove all technology, I started with me!! I invested my time into them in the evening and gave "Social Sarah" a break, So as much as the tiny beasts ask to have my friends around all the time,what my dumb ass didnt get, was that when people come over, my focus shifts, I cook more, I drink some wine, I dont push bedtime, and they basically do whatever they want....Go figure!!! So This week No more, or at least EVERY NIGHT!!!

Second thing...No Video Games during the week, Duh??? Engaged them in "DOING" things instead, Eli rode his bike while I did 5 miles every day we were home, we made detective scenarios out of our adventure. We did things that I always did as a married mom, but allowed my  Crap to get in the way as Single mom, So I am Actively working on my "plank" and I am feeling so much lighter, and less stressed!!

So its Sunday Morning, we have  a Jam Packed day ahead of us, and I am sitting on the couch sipping coffee, color on my hair laundry going, watching Myth Busters with Max and Eli while they build and rebuild Marshmallow PVC shooters, and I am reminded, that its the little things, that are actually the big things, that I am Blessed beyond belief, and all in all,  One amazingly Happy, and Satisfied Chickie!!!

So Happy Earth Day People, and today, Praise God, Love your Family, and Protect our Earth!!


***** Side note, 2.3 more pounds!!! YAY ME!!!

WINNING!!!!!!!

I am Feeling like I am having a Banner week, I started this new way of eating and living lifestyle, and I am kinda loving it, I really thought I would miss the wine, but so far so good,Now  I havent been in a social setting, but as far as my evening ritual.....I OWN IT NOW!!!!! Even yesterday when I got home hours early, I didnt cheat, and I walked 5 more miles!!!

Enough of that though, I read a quote today that made me go hmmmmmmm? It said"Let go or be dragged" I have taken this to heart in EVERY realm of my life since I read it, and this is my next "Change" to make happen. I have the new kid routine in full swing, and after only 10 days, its awesome. I could kick myself for being scared and NOT doing anything before now!!! I got my lifestyle "wants" in order. So now on to all the pretty "Little Loose  Ends" that complicate MY LIFE!!!! And to you all I say, Step up or give up!!! I wont judge either way. Be the person God intended you to be, I can live with that, but not the manipulation!!!

   Seriously, that is where my little Quote (UP THERE)comes in today, It is so true, and there are a few loose ends that I really need to consider with, I am being "dragged " by these relationships? ......Dragged down, Dragged along, Dragged with and all the while I am allowing myself to be dragged. What in the world am I doing?? What kind of example am I being for my sons?? You know that saying "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"?? Well hello Sarah, are you insane?As found in Websters....and I quote" They say that the definition of insanity is continuing to do the samething but expecting to get different results."    

So, I ask myself, "Self, are going to let these people continue to  walk on you, drag you along, drag you down, be a reason to flame out"?? Oh NO HELL NO!!!( a saying from one of the above mentioned) 


******* Interruption.....patient just walks in(yes, I blog at work, its the only time I can!!LOL) I ask "What happened? you are 2 hours late", He very sweetly tells me...."you see, I accidentally knocked out one of the staff, at my group home"....As you can imagine, I was like...Accidentally?"Yes Ms. Sarah, she walked right in front of my fist, It was amazing" and that would be my job in a nutshell, in"Crazytown"




Ok, back to life , Well I've decided  I am gonna "trim the fat", "weed the garden" or whatever other little sayings you use to rid my Crazy life of any UNNEEDED Craziness, God knows I have PLENTY of my own Here in Crazytown!!! 


******Also..... I weighed myself today, I have lost 5.4 pounds..... YAY!!!!

Day one Success!!

Well..... I made it through day 1.... I learned its really Freakin' hard to drink a Gallon of water and its odd to eat throughout the day...Oh and drinking that much , Ya Pee ALOT!!! So Food wise I followed to a tee here goes

Breakfast-
1/2 cup of cottage cheese with 1 &1/2 tbsp of oat bran
coffee with shim milk
2 fried eggs
Snack-
4 steamed shrimp
lunch-
a grilled chicken breast
1/2 cup of cottage cheese
snack-
5 shrimp
Dinner-
flank steak
cottage cheese

I had 2 cups of Green tea and a glass of crystal light, and then my Gallon of water
Sarah H. and I walked for 45 minutes , and then she did my measurements, our as is the same!!! I love my wifey <3
Shoulders 40
arm 12.5
calve 17
thigh 23.5
butt 44
waist 35
bust 40.5

Sad Sad Sad!!!! But I am doing something about it!! and thats what matters to me, so there is the down and dirty, The Beasts just arrived, and its time to snuggle!!!I am only gonna update this on Tuesdays..... Wish me Luck !!

Dukan Dieting..... Round One!!!

Well, I am committing to shaving this Mommas body down to a thinner version !! In the past few years the weight has made a home for itself on my body, and I am SICK OF IT!!! I LIKE small boobs.... this DD bull shit, is RIDICULOUS!! and being "small boned" has its advantages, because you can stuff the fat into clothes, but watch out when the clothes come off, or when you want to trek to the beach with the kids and they want to play ball with you!!! There isnt one thing that is flattering about running on the beach this size, and i dont have disillusioned "bo derek" style running, just some fun!!!

So here goes, I just got the book, I like that what i think I should weigh he immediately tells me is irrational at my age and the amount of kids I have birthed, and then given my lowest and highest weights, so the first phase is ATTACK!!! Grrrrr!!! and I started this morning, easy so far, I had to eat which was the hardest thing, the tough part is NO wine :-( ....The no chips, when i crave chips and salsa will suck as well but my major downfall is a glass or two of RED at night.... so I will be using this blog to track and keep myself accountable!!!

Planks and Specks, and losing this fat ass!!!

Matthew 7;4 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

---

Matthew 7;5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.


Have been totally praying and working on my "plank" for the last 24 hours, I mean my rant last week was about me creating change , it is also about me removing my plank, Now I have identified it, I can work on it, So if I am a bit removed, ya'll know where I am.....

Last night went amazingly well when the kiddos got home home from the Exs , we had no TV, No video games, and instead we played cards, grilled dinner and built a new patio table.... Win for Mom!!! I didnt yell, (much) Max always refuses to be upstairs alone, and after a 5 day of no bathing at his dads.....there isnt even a question, YUCK!!!

This Morning was ok, and we all made it to our proper destinations on time, But tomorrow I will be starting a 24 day challenge , which entails NO COFFEE..... WTF am I thinking? But I am gonna do it, I am a solid 35 pounds heavier than 3 summers ago, ok maybe 2 summers, and that is bad.... I am a sexy Momma, and I want my inside to match my outside, and this weight is making me feel ugly, so...... Im gonna take it off, for real!!! I will update, and maybe if I am brave enough post before and after.... dont know about that....

So that is me today working on a better me inside and out!!!

Fast Forward.......04/12/2012

You know how people say alot can happen in the "blink of an eye" Well damn if thats not the crazy truth!! Since I last posted I am separated, been attacked by a dog, moved twice, Embraced single motherhood...again, developed some phenomenal friendships, Turned 40, Have been on High School auditions with a then 13 year old now have a rising 9th grader going to a Performing arts High school, and on and on and on.......

So Today I am am thoroughly perplexed.... When is Enough, Enough? Do any of you ever sit back and ask yourself that? I am just coming off 7 days with the tiny beasts, and we had an amazing time, real time, quality time.... Yes we were at the ocean, and yes it was amazing, BUT, we were together, all of us, sun up to sun down, in a condo a 1/4 size of our home and it was GREAT!! we talked, we spent time with one another, because we wanted to, we laughed, we were silly, we slept in , and yeah I know "Well Sarah ...It was vacation" But we got it "back to Good". So someone please tell me why do we choose to live on the Hamster wheel of life?? Why do I have my kids in "specialty schools" as of 3rd grade? why ?? Why do my kids have cell phones?? why is there a gaming system attached to each tv in our home?? why is there a tv in every room?? WHY WHY WHY??? What have I done? and if I revert do I damage them even more? I know times are different, I know its not 1985 , I know i overindulge out of guilt, but Damn, when does it end?

Well I will tell you when it ends..... NOW, I am going to make the changes I need to make to create the loving environment for my children to flourish..... How??? who the heck knows, but the youth of today are spoiled, overindulged, bratty, smarter than they need to be about things they really have no business knowing, and We are so busy as a society trying to "keep up with the Jones" that we have allowed our families to go to crap, who teaches Love ?? who teaches kindness? Sure we can  learn those foundations at Church and at home, but  if home consists of constant running,a single mom, slack ass dad, and "mid life crisis'" waiting to happen, when are we finding time to teach the basic foundation laying principles?

 I know its up to me, and I will get it back, in the midst of a 40 plus hour a week job, and single motherhood, a couple crazy ex husbands, and some really crazy tiny beasts......I will do it, and I can do it....Hell I want to do it!!! So watch me , learn from my failures, cheer me on toward my success and PLEASE tell me when there is something so obvious, yet I cant see it that could help me, They say it "takes a village" to raise a child, I want to be a part of that.