Craving Closeness.....

At what point are we OK enough that we can just be alone? And If God intended for me to be alone.... Well he didn't , so I wont even go there, (We all know know that God saw Adam Lonely and Created Eve for him to have a companion, so he was not LONELY....) And if that is not your belief, find in your beliefs equally substantiated evidence.

I guess what I am wondering  is? Am I lonely or am I Craving a Closeness? I have had the good and the bad, and all the in between in relationships, I have lost myself  so much I didn't recognize myself in the end.I don't ever want to be that Woman again.  So, How can I have it all? How can I be strong my own convictions, and stand for what is right and solid in MY life, AND compromise (which by the way means "jointly promise" I found that interesting, I always thought it to mean "to settle") to what it now takes to be in a relationship?

 I am aware that I am wild and Crazy, I know I have baggage out the wazoo, but that's me, I don't want that to change, (well maybe the baggage,I am working on that) but as I write and read I sound like a selfish little bitch. So what does it take? I mean is there really a man for every woman and woman for every man, who loves unconditionally , accepts without judging , blah blah blah???

Here I am, conflicted, wearing out my knees praying, and I guess waiting and "sitting in it " is where I am suppose to be. Is that faith? is that Complacency? Laziness? Ever feel like you are screaming at the top of your lungs and nothing is coming out? I'm there, and tired of it.  What do I do? Can I draw a line in the sand, and never look back, I joke about what some people will do, or change for another person, and I know in my life there are things I would ask people to change for me. (not their name , or hair color, or drop 100 pounds, did I really say that??) But I would ask people to change their ways, no one is gonna be equip to deal with my life and if he is a man who has enough kids to understand, why did he leave them??? I have become so Jaded, and hardened because of stupid shit circumstances in my life, I am terrified of doing it again....So here lets start with "remarriage" this is what is said.....

 Position 4: Divorce - Remarriage 
Divorce, though not God's desire, is also not the unforgivable sin. Regardless of the circumstances, all divorced persons who have repented, should be forgiven and allowed to remarry.

 but with that said....Read on....

Position 1: No Divorce 

Marriage is a covenant agreement, meant for life, therefore it must not be broken under any circumstance; remarriage further violates the covenant and therefore is not permissible.

So now where am I? Granted the ability to move on after being divorced the first time, to now be in a situation that has dysfunction, but love! Where the first marriage had EVERYTHING under the sun and NO LOVE and could make a Trashy Beach novel seem boring!!! What do I do? As a believer, I feel convicted to try, and as a Woman who has been through enough shit, and doesn't want to go through anymore, I am ready to walk..... There is that screaming again...Did you hear it??