Manic Mondays, Wasted Weekends !!

Once again I am blessed enough to live and see another Monday, and for as many Sunday to Monday transitions I have survived , I haven't learned that I cant "Will" the weekend to extend no matter how hard I try and adding hours to Sunday evening, Well  that only makes Monday Mornings even tougher. Teen Beast felt the need to emulate my notion of keeping the weekend alive last night and played  FIFA 2014 way too late, The other two were so beat up by the weekend they didn't mind calling a day a day, but why is it that we don't live all days as happy as we are on the weekends?

Is it because we are rushed, overwhelmed, over extended and we feel as though our obligation to work or school wastes the time that we would generally squander anyway if it were the weekend? Think about it. What I do makes some difference to someone, even with as boring and mundane as the majority of my job life is, but If I don't do it, a domino effect of chaos would ensue. If Teen beast doesn't love the schooling he receives, I begin to question why I invest the time I do to support what I imagine is his love of the arts.

When I think about what is so great about the weekends and try to incorporate it into the daily grind what I really see is that we love the weekend because we crave laziness. Thats sorta scary!!!  In our wild and crazy day to day ,  all the things we are Passionate about are happening, Whether its Drama and the Arts, Running Cross Country, Cooking and Baking, or just snuggling with a kid and a book at the end of a long day. We don't engage in that when the weekend comes. No, instead we stay in our PJ's, waste the day playing video games, watching trashy TV, and pretend to "make a plan" all day, only to order take out, and continue our Slugfest.

When My kids are with their Dad for the weekend I tend to try and make the most of my time, whether its Catching up with Friends, cleaning house , doing laundry, or events that are not kid friendly or kid appropriate, it is then I  feel my spent time was "Weekend Worthy".All this isn't to say that downtime isn't important or necessary, But I honestly feel that if I lived everyday with the notion that EVERYDAY is Amazing, whether it involves carpools or cocktails.Then maybe, just maybe every Sunday night wouldnt consist of wishing for "One more " day to my weekend . Instead I could honestly treasure the time at hand. Today is Day one! Here we go with this ........

I will ask myself  "if today was Saturday what would I do that I feel I am missing out on ?" My answer on this AMAZINGLY beautiful day, I would cookout and invite dinner guests, So I will!!! Make it a Great day people, Its already half over, and you will never get it back!!!!

Welcome to Crazy Town: Seriously? Are you really that happy?

Welcome to Crazy Town: Seriously? Are you really that happy?: Yes, Yes I am this happy!! Why is it so hard in life for people to be happy, and accept that even in the midst of diversity, you can find ...

Seriously? Are you really that happy?

Yes, Yes I am this happy!! Why is it so hard in life for people to be happy, and accept that even in the midst of diversity, you can find peace and be Happy ?  Really I need some answers, my curiosity meter is off the hook!! This is beyond my comprehension! Why are some people choosing to be negative and unhappy?

If you know me, you know the smile on my face is pretty genuine. Honestly I try to " Not Sweat the Small Stuff" or even the BIG stuff for that matter,  it doesn't do me any good, why not just " Let it Go" ? Thats not to say I don't worry, but I don't notify everyone I know about my crazy thoughts. What fun is that? If someone sat me down today and asked me what I my biggest gripes were, they would probably be really surprised, It wouldn't include my "rantables" that i through out on Facebook or even what I bitch about in Blogs. The stuff that truly saddens me Is sad, and I reserve it.

So why is it that some people feel the need to relive their bullshit and baggage daily? Why if you are healthy, you are employed, your kids are healthy, vibrant, excelling, you have food in you cabinets, more than enough money in the bank, people around you who love and support you, would you continue to focus on "A" negative aspect in your life? Focus To the point that it makes you physically ill ? I cant imagine why one would chose to wake up everyday and make a conscious decision to be anything other than happy.

With that being said, I do understand some people having Mentally Illness, being clinically depressed, Bi Polar, or so forth, and they cant "Be Happy" without some mental health intervention.I GET THAT!!Not the case on point. Case in Point involves a scorned woman who is looking for a Man to swoop in solve all her problems, raise her kids, and financially rescue her from dealing with an Ex who is less than desirable to deal with!! WAKE THE FUCK UP HONEY!!!! NO MAN WANTS THAT KIND OF BAGGAGE!!!

So here I am , the friend who was just cried AT and screamed AT for an hour, because no one understands how hard it is to be " A single mom with three boys and a narcissistic ex husband" ummmmm??? Well yes, yes I do! "Well you don't have an ADHD child who dominates yours and your families time and energy" why yes, yes i do, " Well you didn't have a judge that couldn't see through your exes lies" Hmmmmm ??? why yes, yes I did......... and that's when you have to pull the "My phone is almost dead card" and 3 minutes, 3 long minutes later, you disconnect.

Happiness, Happiness people, BE FUCKING HAPPY!! If you are reading this, you have a computer or phone that allows you access to the internet, that makes you among the the top 34% of people in the world!!! Yipee!!! Did you have coffee this morning? you are among the 61% of people worldwide who have access to clean water!!! WooHoo!!!Yeah, yeah, I know, in the grand scheme of car pools and scooping kitty liter, planning weekly grocery lists, dealing with Exes, dealing with kids, parenting, budgeting, all the day to day mundane bullshit sometimes we don't let these things register, but maybe we should!!

Six and a half years ago I thought I was living the dream, big house, new cars every few years , vacations, nannies, unlimited everything I could ever Want, and in the blink of an eye everything changed, and it sucked, and it hurt, but life goes fucking on !!  Soon I learned why all those material things made up my  "life", My eyes were opened to the lack of joy and happiness,My eyes are opened to the void that I filled with material things, and I reassessed , I regrouped, I put on My big girl panties and showed the world what I got!!  I got Happy!! And No One will take that from me, its mine. Yeah I complain, I bitch, and then  I get over it.

Look I am NO poster child for perfection by any means!! But the way I see it,We get this tiny  speck of time on this earth and WE get to choose what WE do with it, and if things happen that are out of our control WE get to decide how WE react to it.Why not choose to be happy?

I don't have a bazillion readers or anything, but the handful that do read this, Be Happy, Please !!! Being Happy makes this fucked up world a much better place. Smile at people, encourage people, talk to people, help people, Show your happiness, Share your happiness, and if someone is constantly negative and constantly and willfully unhappy, be careful, don't get sucked in. And always, ALWAYS remember..... Don't let anyone EVER dull your Sparkle!!

Boundaries and Heartbreak

Hey Fellow parents, any of you dealing with grown children who are trying to figure life out? ( I mean we all are are to an extent) but seriously, Grown Children who think every idea is the best yet? I have a  child who chose the road not traveled at all and is constantly frustrated and questioning why life is hard as hell?

As a Mom I want to fix things and in his life the situations are not ones that are fixable by anyone other than the said child. Well talk about defeat, talk about heartbreak, I don't want anyone to struggle, hell i do enough of that for our whole clan, but I am also teetering on how to proceed. I guess he wont ever fly on his own if i keep his wings clipped and try to smooth over every situation, but then there is the guilt, and the and the feelings of failure as a parent that creep in, those nasty enabling habits that are so hard to break, and ultimately have probably led him to where we are now, but this isn't a kid who ever made things easy for himself, he has always tested every situation to the brink of explosion for all involved, which has ultimately pushed people away. I am the last on standing, I can no longer help him financially, and shouldn't, but i worry to death over him not having a steady job, an apt.. of his own, a car, (since he sold the one that was bought for him last year) I know he is 22, I know he is fully capable, so what is the problem?

Bottom you say? He needs to hit bottom.... Oh he has hit bottom, yeah hes been there, Jail, Homeless, you name it, but with a little help got himself in a good position, and things were looking up until the next wild hair , and we are off and running again. I am not saying my kids need to be superstar success stories, but self sufficient would be Flipping Fantastic!!

I feel like my parents in the way that I relay things to him....." When I was you age I had you, worked 3 jobs and figured shit out!!! When I didnt pay my phone bill, guess what? Yup, NO PHONE, Lights ?? they needed to be paid to be on, I didnt love the Resort Town work that I did, but I sure as hell did it, Busted my ass in the busy season and saved for the slow seasons, Made a babysitting Co-Op so all us young moms could network and not get screwed without coverage, as 20 somethings we all worked our asses off.

What as a mom am I to do ? I am concerned, I am worried (dont laugh) I am saddened, that he isnt ever going to get it together, and that he will always feel as though there is always something better, never satisfied, Is that just how some people are? When do we as parents just step back and throw our hands in the air?

Worrier Vs. Warrior

I am a worrier , its just who I am. I worry about the silliest and most irrelevant things, along side the real stuff that comes with being a parent. I have noticed over the last six years that broken families are more the norm than not these days and being the "Custodial Parent" has lead me to be even more the worrier.

*Kid with a cough, Is it Pneumonia again?
*Kid with a rash , Scarlet Fever?
*Kid riding with friends, will he remember his sealtbelt? Will he be safe?
*Kid trying out for something new, Will he be ok if he doesnt get it?
*Will I make it to all the pick up spots today on time?
*Can I get to every meet ? Will he be upset if I cant?
*Am I giving them every experience I can , will they be well rounded ?

I could go on and on, but it just shows my craziness so I will stop. What I am getting to is hard to articulate. I would never change the custody I have, but I want to know how it is that a parent can be so removed from their children that all the worry falls on to the parent who chose to still be a parent when a marriage falls apart?

Last night I held my phone waiting for Tiny Beast #2 (Who is not so tiny anymore) to check in every time he got to a destination, he called or texted each time, as he promised, but as the night went on and i got sleepy waiting for the final destination call it dawned on me that as a parent I will worry, because I care and I carry my kids in my heart every moment and everywhere i exist, and I need to channel all that worry into being a Momma Warrior !!

I made the the decision to allow the kiddo in the car with friends, its a part of him extending his wings, he is an AWESOME kid , he makes decent decisions, he followed protocol and he is ok .So,  Its either allow them to fly, set protocols and stick by them or remove ourselves from society, and where sometimes I think that would be an exciting adventure, going off grid is not an option. (per my beasts)

So as We embark on a new week, a week where there is a half day to figure out, 4 Cross country practices to pick up from, 3 play rehearsals to figure out transportation , and Beast #2 has an audition at an improv club. You know what? I can do it!! I can do it because I am a BAD ASS , Im a Warrior, and because at the end of the day the results are the same whether I worried or not,  It does me no good and it sucks the life out of what is right in front of me,

As far as being a removed parent who doesnt worry because they are to self absorbed to even think about what is happening in their children lives, i used to be kind of jealous of the quiet you must have in your mind without all the worry floating around, but now I just feel pity for you, You miss out, you miss out on a sons first night out with friends, you miss out on a hilarious trip to the ER and the story of a nurse teasing your son about scratching his "parts" , not because you arent here, but because you chose not to be a part of your kids lives .

Single parents, try not to worry this week, channel it into magnifying all the kick ass things that make you a Warrior!!!

I am Woman Hear Me Roar !!!

As my babes started school yesterday I came to realize that this past year had been a major accomplishment that I had achieved all on my own. It was liberating, empowering, it was beautiful and I am proud. Over  the past few years  I had come to rely on significant others, (even with as insignificant as they were) My Mom and Step-Dad, and friends for physical hands on help, whether transporting kids or being an available body while I had any combination of the others somewhere else, but after weeding my "Man" garden last summer, and My lovely Mother and Fabulous Step Dad relocating to North Carolina last September, my resources sort of collapsed in that department, and I had to regroup, put my Big Girl Panties on and figure it out!! It opened my eyes to a culture of Moms that show strength, without ever asking for validation, or to have their egos stroked, and that is because we are Strong, That is because We Persevere, That is because we are Women!

In the past five years I have gone through and watched a plethora of my women friends go through divorce, and with the exception of one, it was initiated or caused by a mans failure to stay committed when faced with boredom, personal failure, self esteem issues, intimacy issues ,addiction issues, infidelity issues, job issues unemployment issues, and on and on. Now I am not of the mind that two people got to those places "alone" but I am of the mind that it takes TWO willing parties to fix an issue, and commit to what they vowed to honor. What I have witnessed are Men in these situations become Weak Man Children and slink away rather than face that their woman is the stronger of the two, and would be and are willing to stand by them through diversity and work very hard to mend the broken.

To me, the men of days past are long gone, The "provider" who worked so his wife could stay home and raise kids, make the Home Happy, cook yummy dinners....Blah, Blah, Blah.... all gone, and the women are the ones who mixed up those roles, I am well aware of that. In the mixing of these roles however, the "Provider" role transferred to husband AND wife , while the kids and the house did NOT, thus making the woman the stronger in the dynamic, and led these said Man Children off to look for something to make them feel important. As a woman, as a nurturer we are programmed to raise and  protect our children, and the majority of us do that blind to the obvious that It has made us the Stronger of the two.

So as Moms, we raise kids, parent kids, set limits for kids, shuttle kids, care for kids, take time off work to be there for kids, cheer for kids , cry with kids , laugh with kids, get up at the ass crack of dawn for kids, we scream at kids, we punish kids, we listen to kids, we referee kids, we help kids, we teach kids, we do what ever it takes to get these babes ready to go into the world, and we didn't decide to do this one day all alone......No, we fell in love, we made babies, we watched these tiny humans grow into the people they are becoming,with our partner, and when your partner decides to be weak, and dip out because they cant man up to the responsibility they vowed to uphold, we will still do all that, while working, managing the money, the house, the carpools, the practices, our own friendships and relationships and we will do it with Grace. Because as women We Are Stronger, and We Are Braver.

I know this doesnt set the standard for all women or for all men, but in the scenes that have played out in my life and the lives of my friends, this is what has happened, all I can say to you ladies is Shine on !! Dont ever flame out for a man who thinks you Burn too Bright.